m a d n e s s

life is pain ...anyone who says differently is selling something. - the princess bride

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the smoking gun
hose monster

songs for the moment:
/fabulous - can't let you go
/brand new - the no seatbelt song
/bad religion - broken
/grade - the inefficiency of emotion
/garbage - i think i'm paranoid
/the cardigans - my favourite game
/matchbox twenty - unwell
/our lady peace - carnival
/the offspring - gone away
/r.kelly - fiesta
/swollen members - long way down
/jurassic 5 ft. nelly furtado - thin line
/shania twain - any man of mine
/dave matthews - crash into me
/police - everything she does is magic
/emnem - square dance

show a lotta luvin'...
Friday, January 17
"hey do what you want but don't do it around me" - do what you want, bad religion

ahh yes. this is from sir HoseMonster. I'd definitely suggest going and having a looksie around his sight. some good stuff going down there for sure!

1.What time is it now: 1:36pm (mountain time)

2.Name as it appears on your birth certificate: caitlin deanna davis

3.Nickname(s): rookie, caitielin, pie

4.Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake: maybe 8. but i was turning 18.

5.Date that you regularly blow them out: july 12

6.Best gift you received on your last birthday: my laptop

7.Pets (if any): two labs, one chocolate, one yellow. jake and riley respectively.

8.Eye color: blue/grey

9. Hair color: brown for the meantime.

10.Pierced ears: i used to. i used to have three holes on one ear and two on the other. and then i let them grow in. my belly button is pierced though.

11.Tattoos: nope. don't think i want one either.

12.How much do you love your job: maybe an 8. i love the people but sometimes they drive me insane. and all the cool older people quit except markd.

13.Favorite color: yellow, blue, pink, red, green, orange. i'm rather undecisive.

14.Hometown: canmore, alberta.

15.Current Residence: edmonton, alberta.

16.Favorite food: pasta for sure.

17.Been to Africa: can't say that i have.

18.Been toilet papering: nope sure haven't.

19,Loved somebody so much it made you cry: that's a big no. i've never been in love.

20.Been in a car accident: yeah but not while i was driving.

21.Favorite piece of furniture: my bed.

22.Sprite or 7-UP: fuck i hate both!

23.Favorite Movie: dazed and confused, zoolander, ferris buellers day off

24.Favorite Holiday: christmas... to celebrate commercialism! woohoo!

25.Favorite day of the week: hmmm. any day that turns out wonderful. its never set. i don't have a preference.

26.Favorite word or phrase: well that's unfortunate.

27.Favorite Toothpaste: whatever mommy buys. (although this era is soon coming to an end)

28.Favorite Restaurant: boston pizza. mmmm. i feel like some nachos right now. too bad elaine's in mexico.

29.Favorite drink: spiced rum & coke, pineapple malibu, holy water, margaritas, pina coladas...i love em all.

30.Favorite sport to watch: hockey.

31. Favorite type of ice-cream: coffee.

32.Favorite Sesame Street character: big bird.

33.Disney or Warner Bros: disney

34.Favorite Fast Food Restaurant: mcdonalds even though its sickening.

35. When was your last hospital visit: hmmmm... when i got my knee surgery oct. '01 i believe.

36.What color is your bedroom carpet: its white with specs of red and blue.

37. How many times did you fail your drivers test: none. and i never failed my learners either.

38. Who is the last person you got email from before this: i got it off hosemonster

39. Do you have a criminal record: if i did then my father (who is a cop) and my future boyfriend would not approve.

40. Which stores would you choose to max out your credit cards:i need variety. i couldn't choose just one store.

41.What do you do most often when you are bored? work, go for a drive, listen to music.

42. Name your friend that lives the furthest away: anne over in the home-country (germany)

43. Most annoying thing people ask me: "ahh yes, you are a blonde aren't you!?"

44.What time is Bedtime: whenever i manage to fall asleep.

45.Favorite all time TV series: that 70's show.

46.Last person you went out to dinner with: a whole bunch of work people.

47.Last Movie you saw: Me, Myself and Irene.

48.Do you have a wooden dinosaur that someone over the age of 70 made sitting on top of your TV: no but my brother actually does.

49. Last person with whom you had sex: no one.

50.Time when you finished: 1:50pm

and that's a wrap.

"and if there is nothing left to say, i string you along until i get my way" - threesome, fenix tx.

you know what is so true? girls overanalyse way too much. we bitch about a lot of stuff too. and most of the time we speak with emotion, not reason. yes, i am over generalizing massively but i don't give a fuck at this point. it needs to be said. and it's the truth. guys can be just as bad, but oh GOD are we horrible at this stuff. i had a nice chat with some guys in my EAS class today. we decided girls really need to lighten up. his example of microwave vs. vacuum was perfect, but we'll touch on that later.

first and foremost, the prime example of myself over analyzing. i am absolutely horrible with that. "oh my god, he didn't look at me as i drove away, he definitely doesn't like me." what am i possibly basing my judgement on? something so little and insignificant. and all girls do this. don't even tell me you don't, because you do. "sigh. he didn't even come and do a walk around over here, he's ignoring me." when really he's probably just in another section and didn't have a chance to make it over. or if someone says something, i just think about it forever and then twist it around to mean something totally different than what was actually said. like dylan came swimming the other day and was being nice to me. now was he just doing that as a friend or does he still like me maybe? and why would trevor be interested if i was going to cowboys unless there were other motives behind that. see.... THAT'S WHAT I MEAN! sickening, is it not!?

anyway continuing on with this rant... we bitch so fucking much! here is the microwave vs. vacuum situation i touched light on earlier. . . this guy in my EAS class said "i just moved in with my girlfriend and she was bitching about not having a microwave. so i went out and bought her a microwave. cost me a hundred fucking dollars. and you know what she says when i get home? she asks me why i bought a microwave instead of a vacuum. or why i didn't buy both. well first off i am not made of money, and secondly a microwave can be much more useful than a vacuum. we can just borrow a vacuum. but no. she wasn't happy. and a dustbuster? man if i got her that she'd be bitching all the time about her back hurting. and if i did the dustbusting then she'd bitch about how MY back hurt and would say it was from hockey and how i should stop playing because she doesn't see me that much because it takes up all my time. i never win with her." ...is that not just horrible? see... and i know all girls do it. trust me, we get a guy and then we just bitch and bitch and bitch. why? i have no idea.

another thing we do is speak from emotion. and i guess guys do this often too, but notice how its girls who really hurt people with words? they just slip right out. whether it be love, jealousy, anger, whatever. take kristi for example, she just can't shut up. it spills out tinged with jealousy. or heather, her words spill out with bitterness and anger but also 'lost' love when she speaks to ryan. and man, that's another thing. we get too emotional. being emotional is perfectly healthy, but not to the point where you are with a guy for five months and you turn it into five years because it takes you forever to get over him. turning stalker is not the option.

after having this conversation today with those EAS boys, i think i have resolved to myself to STOP overanalyzing everything (although maybe i'll just decrease that one, because i know i'll never stop), to stop being so bitchy about everything (although i like to think i'm not, but i'm definitely going to try to stay in a good mood ALL the time now), and to think with reason all the time (even though i think that most of the time i am fairly good about that).

seriously ladies... being all depressed and self-conscious is not going to get you a guy. sympathy for maybe a day, but nothing else. guys like confidence. they like happiness. what makes us think that by being psychotic emotional whiners we'll get our guy to stay with us? i mean sure, this EAS class guy said that they still love us girls no matter what, but really. this is quite ridiculous.

and now now... i know that guys have all sorts of "horrible" qualities as well. but whatever... not everyone is perfect! neither are we! but that's okay... as long as we try not to turn into emotional messes then we're still cool. ;) haha.

not to say that any of my friends are emotional messes (HEATHER!)

Tuesday, January 14
"sing a song with me, ain't nobody love ya like i love you, you're a good girl and that's what makes me trust you" - like i love you, justin timberlake.

...and he's a swimmer too. or rather, was a swimmer. he's funny. he's so nice. he's cute. he's smart. he is already done university. he knows what he is going to do with his life (well he does still have to choose between city cops and rcmp but that's minor). he still has a fun streak in him. he told us a story of how in his first year, after drinking a keg with his friends, they decided it would be a good idea to run through the street naked. he then had to explain to the police why it was a good idea to run through the streets naked. he was so embarrassed by it, it was so cute. he's from small towns. he tells lots of stories. he's just ... wow.

now i have a problem of messing things like this up. i did suggest we do something again sometime. he said sounded good and that i had his number. i gave him mine then as well. he said he'd probably see me at work on thursday. and do i even hug or kiss him goodbye? i sure don't. i just stand there and say "well have a good night!"

but you know what, that's okay. it wasn't a real date anyway. i mean we were with all of my (and some of his acquaintances) friends. it was more of a get-to-know-each-other-better-night. i better let this work out. i mean he's tall and blonde and has blue eyes. the important thing: he's tall. but does he like me!?

...it seems like it at times. he did give me that look. and he didn't leave markd's until i did. and well. i have no idea. i don't know if he thinks he is too old for me. but he emphasized that he was still young last time. so that wasn't too bad. ugh. i have no idea. and i hate it.

i should just tell him.